My Missionary Baby July 28, 2014

Ellie was born a missionary. She learned to walk a balance of learning two cultures at the same time. We would have a modified American culture in our home and then expected Ellie to learn and operate like a Thai child would interact when we went out of our home and around Bangkok. When we moved to America, Ellie only had to deal with one culture. We don’t hold her to Thai standards but only American ones now.

On our team to Thailand, one of our church’s summer interns is from Life Pacific College. She has also been living with us this summer and loves playing with Ellie. She is an observer by nature and notices many things people often overlook. One day, as we were telling story after story of Ellie to our friends (as she stayed home with my mom), this team member remarked that after being in Bangkok, she understands Ellie much better now. Wanting to know how, I waited for a quiet moment when we could talk and then asked for clarification.

(As described by our church intern) Ellie is outgoing and very playful in small groups or one on one. When she gets into large groups or meetings, she tends to hang by the side and play quietly or sit quietly next to us. This is not normal for American kids and she wondered if Ellie was just shy or we had wanted Ellie to do that. And then on Saturday two slum community kids (3 and 4 years old) hung around the English camp for university students while all the older kids went to a meeting. They colored quietly on the floor while Andy shared the gospel story at the camp. Then we went on a bike rally at a park and the children played happily in the dirt off to the side of our meetings and games. (Ellie would have loved to play with them in the dirt…)

On Sunday, there were two kids from the church (around 5 years old) that quietly played during the service and meetings. You would barely know that the kids were in the room as they have learned to always stay off to the side or quiet. When you do hear them briefly though, no one minds as they don’t tend to try to grab all the attention. They might from their mom, but not from everyone else. This is how Ellie acts in large groups. Apparently her Thai beginnings continue to live on.

It was interesting hearing this from our team member. I’m often surprised when I realize how pervasive Thai culture is imbedded in Ellie. Yes, she was born in Thailand and spent the first two years living there, but we moved to America over a year ago. And yet still, there are ways she acts more Thai than American.

Culture Shock: Dog Style, Part 1 July 22, 2013

After traveling for nearly 24 hours (read more about that here), our dog arrived on foreign soil, complete with new smells and a new dog culture.

We took her to my parent’s home and introduced her to my parents’ dog, a little yapping panda look-alike dog. Even though Laguna towered over this little dog, she cowered in fear that it would attack her. Thus began her enculturation into American dog culture.

The cute non-threatening dog

Dogs in Thailand behave very differently than dogs in America. In Thailand, dogs are mainly street dogs, guard dogs, or never leave the home (unless they are being carried). All the dogs you, or Laguna, would ever meet are aggressive and mean. We would walk down the street with our dog on a leash for nightly walks. We had to always keep an eye out for the coming attack of a street dog. They would spot Laguna and just wait until we crossed their invisible territory line. The moment we did, they would growl and walk forward ready to attack. It only took a sharp “Hey!” and a step towards the street dog for it to back off and leave Laguna alone. That is until they thought we weren’t watching, and then they would chase us down and nip at Laguna’s back. Most of the time, we kept them away, but sadly, not always.

Walking the dog in Thailand

Now, in the US, most dogs are friendly and kept to be pets. They don’t attack other dogs or people for that matter. But Laguna didn’t know all this, all she knew was mean dogs, so she cowered in fear as she met this new dog.

Over the next few days and weeks, Laguna learned that dogs in this strange new country are friendly and not out to get her. She is now best friends with my parents’ dog and they spend their days chasing each other around the yard.

Candy From Strangers September 8, 2012

As we were walking our dog the other night, we stopped to talk with one of our friends and let Ellie and Laguna play with her son for a few minutes. While we were there, a lady we didn’t know ran over with a snack for Ellie. She handed Ellie a box of sweetened milk. Ellie saw the milk and got excited for a snack. When she found out it was sweetened, she smiled even bigger. To me sweetened milk is a sad excuse for the sugar in chocolate milk without the chocolate flavoring, but I digress…

As Ellie clutched onto her new snack, I realized just how normal place this is, not just in Thailand, but all over Asia. Ellie regularly gets snacks and treats from both people we know and people we have never met. Just in this last week, Ellie received that milk box, a ChocoPie, and potato chips from a friend who was eating them. We are working on sometimes needing to hold onto our snacks until later.

The Thais like to treat kids special and offer them snacks and treats. Usually they are trying to be nice, but sometimes it is a ploy for the child to talk with them. Not that they want to get Ellie away from me, but that she will talk to them or let them hold her while I’m standing nearby. A friendly gesture, and a little blessing for Ellie.

How do you handle strangers, even friends, handing candy and other snacks to your kids? Or maybe I should ask this question after Halloween…

Cooking Together August 7, 2012

As I wrote in my last post, our church went to Khao Yai last week for family camp. While we were there, we all pitched in and helped. On the second night, after a full day going to Khao Yai National Park, walking to a waterfall, and rock hopping with a toddler on my back, I sat down to help prepare dinner by chopping green beans and tomatoes while Andy watched Ellie. Many of the other women sat and diced unripe papaya for our Spicy Papaya Salad, and others did other prep work.

As we were talking, one of the women said that this was her first time cooking a main dish. She was making fried garlic pork. She then relayed that she never cooked in the kitchen with her mom, since her mom was a really good cook. Her mom didn’t want to be bothered with someone who didn’t know how to cook, so she did all the work herself. in my disbelief, I asked the other girls where they learned to cook. They all shared this same sentiment: their moms never taught them how to cook. One girl learned from her father, another by helping out at church and other activities, and others admitted they really can’t cook.

Now, I have great memories cooking with my mom growing up. She started me out small, and then when I was a teenager had me plan out meals and cook them under her careful watch. It is from that foundation that I knew out to cook simple meals when I got married, and enjoy cooking dinner multiple times every week even now.

I also look forward to the day when Ellie can help in the kitchen. Not for my sake. I don’t need her to cook with me. No. I look forward to sharing with Ellie what I know. We will start small, with things like learning how to stir and not spill and measuring food out. And as she grows the tasks will change, and hopefully Ellie will learn confidence in the kitchen. Confidence to help a friend cook, or to even cook for a friend.

What about you…

Where did you learn to cook? Also, are you teaching (or plan on teaching) your child to cook by having them help you?

A Visit to the Doctor May 18, 2012

It has been a long week of illness in the home this week, with Ellie and then Andy sick. One week ago, just in time for American Mother’s Day, Ellie broke out in a rash. She had had a high fever 24 hours earlier, so I figured they were related. It looked like chicken pox, or something similar, but Ellie had no spots on her tummy or back, just her legs and arms and wasn’t scratching them. This called for a call to our hospital (doctor) to talk with a nurse. She thought we should come in and have it looked at by our doctor later that afternoon.

What keeps me going when dealing with a sick little one

The doctor looked at the spots and came to the conclusion that Ellie didn’t have chicken pox, but did have a virus. He wasn’t certain which virus, because as he told me, there are many viruses that produce rashes. It doesn’t really matter which one because we can only treat symptoms, lower the fever and soothe the itch, he explained. Keep Ellie comfortable and she’ll be better in a week, he assured me.

I then asked the question that I was dreading the answer to, how long do I need to contain her at home. The answer shocked me. Don’t bring her to any play groups, or let her play with little kids, but she can go out and about other than that. I think the shock was visible on my face because the doctor quickly explained more. Adults and older children will have been exposed to this virus before, so you don’t have to worry about them.

What a different way to think about contagious childhood diseases, at least minor ones. Only worry about little children. We only take our precious daughter to reputable hospitals, so that means this sentiment is throughout Thailand. As I told the Thais that we work with, they were like yep, that’s how it is (except in Thai). The other foreigners? They were shocked I was out of the home with Ellie having a contagious rash. Apparently, that’s just how it’s done around here.

A Mother’s Day photo

 

Looking Out For Each Other May 8, 2012

In Asia, the group dynamic is different than in the Western world. Family is very important. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews are all equally as important as your parents and siblings. In fact, the word for cousin is the same as sibling. When you create deep friendships, you consider that person like family. Strangers you ignore, but your friends and family you go out of your way to talk to and care for. Sociologists label this an “in-group/ out-group” mentality. You only think, care, worry, help those who are in your in-group, your family and friends.

Since we don’t have our family nearby, our church is our in-group in Thailand. I’ve seen this especially since Ellie was born. Everyone takes responsibility for her when we are at the church building or other church settings. They all watch over her and make sure she is safe. She can run around and I know that someone is watching her and she will be safe.

Ellie with one of the girls who was looking out for her.

As I’ve mentioned before, kidnapping is a real threat in Bangkok. Well, the other day, Ellie and I were out at a large and crowded mall with some of the girls from the university outreach. As we walked and shopped, a lady stopped to talk to Ellie and I. She mumbled something in Thai to us and pretended to be talking with us, even though I couldn’t hear her clearly and she didn’t respond when I talked with her. After she left, the girls asked me if I knew that woman. I replied that I didn’t and didn’t think anything more of the situation, but the girls were clearly disturbed be the woman.

After we finished shopping, we met up with some others in our group and went to the food court for some dinner. We found a table to sit at, and then Ellie and I went to get our food while some of the others waited at the table. When I got back the girls told me an unsettling story.

The strange woman who was “talking” to Ellie and I earlier, had followed us to dinner and was sitting directly behind me after we sat down. She was staring at Ellie while making sure that I wouldn’t see her. After I left to go get food, the girls all banded together and went to talk to the lady. They told her that she needed to leave and stop following the baby around. They were going to be watching her and protecting the baby. She promptly left.

What were this lady’s intentions? I don’t know. Maybe she was harmless, maybe not. I’ll never know. But I do enjoy that I’ve got people watching out for Ellie, protecting her and keeping her safe. I’m glad that we are part of an in-group.